(Disclaimer: what follows here is a ‘vent.’ I’m venting. Because this is my blog, I can post what I want, sometimes turning therapeutic in the process. You see, I’m weary of Facebook and people who put up worthless information on their FB page, landing squarely on my site where I am required to wade through your dribble to see information that’s actually useful. The examples that follow are purely fictional and a product of my imagination. If these resemble you in any way, it’s not intentional. But, I do thank you for the inspiration.)
Uggggh just ate about fifteen pieces of chocolate gotta learn to control myself when flying first class or they’ll cancel my modelling contract LOL
Humblebragging has become such an issue that there’s a book collecting the most absurd humblebrags on twitter. Harris Wittels, comedian and sitcom writer, has collected and published humblebrag tweets from his @humblebrag twitter feed. It’s titled Humblebrag: The Art of False Modesty. Here’s a sample:
Just filed my taxes. Biggie was right, mo money mo problems.
The Urban Dictionary defines it as such:
The lowest, most despicable and loathsome form of self promotion, often delivered in a terse one or two fragmented sentences on social networking sites. A typical and popular approach is to use a disingenuous complaint about something, a self-deprecating statement or a comment on something completely innocuous, as a vehicle to deliver the real message, which invariably shows the person in a favourable light. In fact it shows what an attention seeking and insecure person they really are.
Among other problems caused from social networking sites, we now have the fine art of humblebrag. It’s a serious issue. So much so, that I’m considering going Facebook-less until something is done. If I don’t get away from it, I’m afraid I’ll snap. You know, go postal. Tear something up.
To respond, I think I’ll create the fine art of…humbleinsult. Whenever someone posts or tweets a comment of false modesty, I can respond with a false compliment. For instance…
The Humblebrag: Flight has been cancelled. Ready to come home. So tired of Hawaii.
The Humbleinsult: Be happy! Another day to work on that pasty-white skin-tone!
The Humblebrag: Cleaned out the closet and going to Goodwill. This diet is killing me!
The Humbleinsult: Be careful! Cleaning out the refrigerator is what got you into this mess!
The Humblebrag: Please pray for me. I can’t decide between the blue or a gold Lexus.
The Humbleinsult: Wow! You need more than a prayer!
The Humblebrag: Hanging with friends at the Titans game. This food in the owner’s box is terrible, though.
The Humbleinsult: Probably wouldn’t hurt you to skip a meal. Enjoy the game, though!
Other Facebook Issues
Sure, humblebrag is a problem. A big one. But, there are other issues that pop up from time to time that are about as bad.
1. Prayer. Prayer on FB is fine. As a matter of fact, FB is a great way to ask lots of people to pray. But, let’s not go into details regarding what needs prayer. After you’ve described the oozing infection from where your mother’s mole was removed, I’ve forgotten the original request.
2. Politics. Sure. Promote your candidate. Let us know where you stand on the issues. But, please, do not rant endlessly about your dissatisfaction with current government officials. It makes you look like…well…a nutcase.
3. Innuendo and guilt. These are so vague in content that the only thing we know is you’re doing the right thing and someone else isn’t. And, don’t do this to send a ‘secret’ message to the one who has offended you.
4. Your kids. We are all proud of our children. That’s not a crime. But, posting pictures of every outfit they wear, or their first day at gifted school (there’s that humblebrag, again), or every time they say a little funny is ridiculous. Use discretion.
Facebook has become an ogre. So much so, that people are addicted to it. Even more, most Facebooking is done on the office computer. But, some of us are so busy, we don’t have time to join you.
There’s that humblebrag again!